


in this twilight

by ZeGabz



Series: left me blind [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Assuming Rey is a Skywalker, Gen, Implied OT3 if you wish to see it, No real ships here because I can't decide one for myself, massive spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2015-12-23
Packaged: 2018-05-08 15:07:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5502239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZeGabz/pseuds/ZeGabz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He knows her. He knows her like she is his own mind. He can feel the anger, the fear, the frustration, the absolute conflict and confusion racing through her mind. He can feel her power in every blow she deals to him as they battle through the decimating planet. She is power incarnate, as is he.</p><p>Theirs is a tale of tragedy, darkness, and family. Their stories are the same. The endings have yet to be written.</p><p>Spoilers within.</p>
            </blockquote>





	in this twilight

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from "Cosmic Love" by Florence + the Machine.
> 
> MASSIVE SPOILERS IN THE STORY BELOW. YOU HAVE BEEN ABSOLUTELY WARNED.
> 
> Watching The Force Awakens, I was engrossed in the dynamic between Rey and Kylo Ren. From the start, their tales seemed to run parallel to each other. It was like seeing two ends of the same spectrum, and I just had to explore it more myself. Kylo is so sick and twisted, and I've never written such a messed up character before. His struggle with the darkness and treatment of the Light as a disease is one of the most fascinating characterizations I have ever seen. And Rey . . . don't even get me STARTED on her. She is my freaking queen.
> 
> Also, I threw in Mara Jade. Because why not.
> 
> ONE LAST CALL FOR SPOILERS.

He knows her. He knows her like she is his own mind. He can feel the anger, the fear, the frustration, the absolute conflict and confusion racing through her mind. He can feel her power in every blow she deals to him as they battle through the decimating planet.

She is power incarnate, as is he.

He remembers her. He remembers the little girl with bright eyes who would chase after him with a wooden sword, long brown hair always worn loose, cascading down her shoulders.

Skywalker's precious child.

"It _is_ you," he had murmured when the lightsaber first sailed past him and into her waiting hand. And the more she tries to kill him, white hot anger flowing through her, the more determined he becomes to make her him. Make her Rey, a Knight of Ren.

His cousin. His apprentice. His.

The ground caves in behind her, trapping her between two endless chasms of darkness: him and the cliff.

Their lightsabers lock, brute strength against sheer force of will.

"You need a teacher!" he shouts, looking into her eyes, wanting to venture further. "I can show you the ways of the Force!"

 _Rey . . ._ he wants to insist further, but he doesn't need to. She's engrossed.

"The Force," she whispers, so lost and naïve. He feels a sneer, victorious and relieved, forming on his bruised face.

But then her eyes close. And Kylo knows he must, absolutely must kill her immediately. But with her eyes closed, all he can see is the young child, his cousin, the cousin he spared when he spared no others.

The rage builds up inside him, his weakness enrages him, and just as he snaps out of his trance, she snaps out of hers, attacking him with a new ferocity driven by the very Force that suddenly seems to have abandoned him. Blow after blow, strike after strike, he feels himself slipping.

When his hand is severed, he readies himself for death, hoping to have dragged her down into the darkness with him.

But he is not that lucky. He never is.

"You are to complete your training with the Supreme Leader," Hux says curtly, and his hands ball into fists.

She will not best him again.

 

He knows her. He knows her better than she knows herself, and Rey is infuriated by it. Leia would not discuss Ren with her, and Rey absolutely did not want to cause the widow any more pain.

Poe, the friend of Finn's who now feels like a friend of hers, meets her shortly before docking the Falcon.

"Any messages for when he wakes up?" he asks gently, brushing a stray strand of hair out of her face.

Rey smiles, grateful. "Tell him I will be back for him, just as he came back for me." Poe nods, one of his course hands taking hers and giving it a supportive squeeze.

"Good luck," he says with sincerity.

"You too," she replies, turning to meet General Organa. The General doesn't look her in the eye, fiddling with her jacket, folding it down. Rey can't help but smile, unable to remember feeling so . . . mothered in her entire life.

"I'm so proud of what you're about to do," Leia says, voice coarse and soft at the same time. But Rey knows it isn't just that. For some reason, she says it aloud.

"But you're also afraid. In sending me away-you're reminded." Of Ben. Kylo Ren. The man who haunts her thoughts day and night, the monster who wants her to be his pawn.

"You won't share the fate of our son," the General replies, voice solid. Rey cannot describe it, but she's suddenly overcome by hope, certainty. She doesn't say so aloud, but she knows that Luke Skywalker has always been her destination.

"I know what we're doing is right," she whispers, and she knows that the General feels what she does. "This is how it has to be. This is how it _should_ be."

"I know it too," Leia says. Rey offers her a hopeful smile, which the older woman returns. With that, she turns and begins to walk towards the Millennium Falcon.

"Rey!" She turns, and the General gives her a nod. "May the Force be with you."

 

_"Benji!" Rey squeaks in delight, running after him with her wooden sword._

_Ben rolls his eyes, but kneels down and picks her up as she reaches him. Master Luke approaches, then, smiling, and takes the girl from his arms. Her eyes remain on him, however, as her father carries her away._

_Ben wonders how he will bring himself to kill her._

 

Rey wants to say something, anything as she stands before Luke Skywalker, lightsaber held out to him. His eyes, so tired, so full of pain, bore into hers. She's frozen, caught in a dream she's had every night for fifteen years. A dream of heartache, loneliness. Islands in an endless ocean, calling out to her, begging for her to just wait a little longer, telling her she will be home soon…

It all clicks, then, everything all at once. The strange familiarity of General Leia's embrace. The glint in Han Solo's eyes as he looked at her. Kylo Ren's fixation not just on her powers, but on her. Artoo coming back to life upon _her_ return.

The Force.

She looks into the eyes of Luke Skywalker, the man she believed to be a myth her entire life, and everything becomes clearer than ever before.

A fire crackles before them as they sit in silence that night. Luke passes a small stone plate to her with scavenged berries and some roasted meat.

"Thanks," she murmurs.

"It's not a lot," he replies, almost embarrassed, "I wasn't exactly expecting company." Rey flinches, just a bit, and he hastily adds, "But I am glad that it was you who found me. I suppose I just got used to-"

"Being alone?" Rey finishes. "Me too." Luke studies her for a long moment. It seems to stretch, a story in itself. There is much she senses he wants to say, he just never expected to have to.

"Ben Solo was the first student I took on," he says quietly. "He was bright like his mother, and stubborn like his father. I thought teaching him would be easy. He was already so strong in the Force. It just made sense."

"But he turned on you."

Luke sighs. "Yes. I couldn't see the signs. I figured his frustration was natural. He hid his anger from me so well, from everyone."

"What happened?" Rey whispers. Luke hesitates.

"What . . . what is your first memory, Rey?" he asks. Rey frowns. She's never tried recalling her firs memory before.

"Watching my family fly away from Jakku," she says. Luke blinks.

"Anything from before? Can you recall the faces of your family?"

Rey tries, reaching back into her thoughts as far back as she can go. But . . . nothing. There's nothing. Vague shapes, warm and comforting, but no faces.

"No . . ." she realizes, " I see nothing." Luke nods, expecting that answer.

"Shortly after we defeated the Empire, I met a woman. Mara Jade. She had worked as an assassin for the Empire and wanted to kill me. She didn't. We, um, we fell in love. It took a long time; Mara was just as stubborn as you would expect, but around twenty years ago, we had a child together. A little girl." He looks her in the eye. "We named her Rey."

She had seen it coming. She has known it with certainty ever since she had looked him in the eyes. But hearing it from him, seeing the deep well of emotion in his eyes, it's too much. Too much.

"I don't remember you," she croaks, " _Why don't I remember you_?" Luke's eyes close painfully.

"When Ben, no, when Kylo turned, he went on a rampage with a select group he called his Knights of Ren. He slaughtered every student, disabled me, and killed Mara-your mother."

Rey's heart clenches for the mother she never knew and would never know, and again, she tries to remember her face.

Nothing.

"I awoke to find your mother and all of my students dead, and you hiding in the ruins of our home."

"He spared me." Again.

"Yes," Luke confirms. "So I did the only thing I knew how to do: I hid you. Told you I was coming back. Used the Force to hide your memories so nobody could use them against you."

"Were you ever going to come back?" Rey asks, a little desperation seeping its way into her voice.

He doesn't reply.

 

According to legend, Darth Vader was able to communicate through the Force to his son from across the galaxy.

Exhausted, breathing hard, and in immense pain from Snoke's tortuous training, Kylo Ren reaches out through the Force. It's an act of desperation, something he finds himself doing more and more ever since finding Rey again, but if he cannot destroy her, he will use her. Bleed her dry until she is but a shell of the Skywalker legacy.

He feels her, feels the edges of her mind from the other side of the galaxy. Her guard is down, she doesn't know the extent of his own power. It's strangely gratifying, being inside her head without her knowing.

"Rey," he growls, "Let me in."

Her awareness hits him like ice, cold and sudden. She's angry, scared, trying to push him out, but he's there, and he knows how to get there again.

"Out," she hisses.

"We will meet again," he promises, before returning to the present.

Behind him, Snoke frowns, and Kylo feels the burn of lightning on his back once more.

 

Rey decides that if Ren is going to invade her mind, she's going to give him something worth finding: her success. She trains under her father with laser focus, pushing her body and mind to the limit.

The last time they fought, she got lucky. The next time, she will defeat him in every way possible.

"Anger is deceptive," Luke warns her when she tells him. "It feels justified. Right. But then it festers within you, warping you until it controls everything."

"I hate him," Rey growls, "He killed Han. He almost killed Finn. He's in my head, all the time."

"And if you give into your anger and fall to the Dark Side, he wins," Luke reminds her, ever-patient. "We don't have to be driven by hatred."

"What else do I have to fight for?" Rey demands.

"I don't know," he admits, "But I know the girl who kept her hope for so long in a hopeless situation can figure it out."

 

Kylo dreams.

He doesn't remember a dreamless sleep since before his escape from the Light. Night after night, his father's face swims before him, his ghostly caress on his cheek like a burn on his cheek. He dreams of his mother, feeling the sharp pang of her grief like a dagger in his gut.

He dreams of his cousin, pulling on her own anger to fuel his. He imagines her joining him, imagines them slaughtering all who stand in their way, reclaiming the power their grandfather once had.

The day is no different.

He feels her getting stronger in the Force, learning how to manifest her power into powerful leaps and surges of strength.

He also feels her growing love for his old master: her father. She has found in him what Han Solo never gave him: a home. Her mind radiates comfort, warmth, sometimes even pure joy in his presence. In him, she found the belonging she so desperately sought, the validation of her infuriating hope.

What _he_ could have given her. Oh, he could have offered her so much more.

In a way, he hates her for it. He wants to destroy her, tear her to pieces and rebuild her in his own broken image.

"You'll have to fight me first," she whispers in his mind. A challenge.

"We will meet again," he responds, the reply he always uses. A challenge of his own. She's gone just as quickly as she came, and to his horror, Kylo finds that she's left some doubt in her wake. But not her own.

His.

Furious and terrified, he ignites his lightsaber and destroys everything in sight. He wishes it was enough.

 

The first person Rey seeks upon returning to the Resistance with Luke is Finn. She doesn't have to look for long, as both he and Poe are waiting for her as soon as she and Luke emerge from the Falcon with Chewie and Artoo in tow.

Leia runs to Luke, embracing him. She's sobbing openly in his arms, both mourning the loss of a part of their trio that will never be complete again.

Finn pulls her into a hug, and Poe ruffles her hair, and she finds herself hoping she will never lose either one.

"I missed you," Finn says as Poe asks, "So, can you fly without a ship now? Because that would be a pretty cool power."

She laughs. "I missed you too," she tells Finn, pulling back so she can smile at him. Turning to Poe, she says, "You're just scared I'll be the best pilot now."

They all share smiles, and Rey feels it, the familiar prodding of Kylo trying to breach her mind. Curious, she lets him in, just a little, lets him feel the edge of her emotions.

"So happy," he growls, "I will take it all from you."

"This could have been yours," she thinks, a little sadly, "You could have had all of this and more."

"You are a fool."

"Rey?"

Rey snaps out of her thoughts, Ren slinking out of her mind, and looks at Finn, who is watching her with concerned eyes.

"Hm?"

"You spaced out a bit there," Poe observes, "Everything fine?"

She feels her father's eyes on her, drinking her in as he always does, as if making up for lost time.

"Yes," she decides. "Yes."

It is then that the news reaches the base. The Knights of Ren found one of their outposts, and Kylo Ren himself slaughtered every single soldier there.

She changes her mind. He will pay.

 

Kylo knows how Rey imagines him. A monster, irredeemable and cruel. But he also feels her compassion for him, as much as she tries to resist it. She cannot help being so kind, so able to see the weakness in others and perceive it as strength. He knows she tries, desperately, to remember their childhoods together.

She, like her father before her, has the ridiculous notion that redemption is the only way his story ends. Redemption from his power, redemption from reaching his full potential as his glorious grandfather could have.

He can sense their inevitable confrontation fast approaching. His training under the Supreme Leader is complete. He has killed hundreds, can manipulate the Dark Side to conjure lightning, can wield his lightsaber against any opponent and win.

He wants to face her. Needs it. She is the unfinished mission he wants to complete. Just as when he finally killed Han Solo, he must pass this final test to prove to the Supreme Leader and himself that he has mastered the Dark Side.

Nothing can stand in his way. Not even Rey Skywalker.

But deep down, in the deepest corners of his tortured mind, he knows he does not want to kill her. She is in every part of him, tempting him to the Light. Her compassion, her weakness draws him away from his power. She makes it look so easy to just . . . let go and simply be.

She is rising, ascending into the Light. And he is so afraid she is taking him with her.

 

Just as he felt her growth, she feels his fall. She feels his jubilance as he conjures lightning for the first time, senses his growing mastery of the Force.

With her father's help, she is starting to remember things. Small things, bits and pieces from her lost years. She remembers her mother gently rocking her to sleep to the sound of the ocean. The students, the Jedi-to-be, using the Force to lift pebbles off the ground for her to chase.

Her favorite cousin, her Benji, as she called him, who would always play games with her. The feeling of hurt when he began to drift away.

On good days, Leia will tell her stories of holovids Ben would send home, with her sitting in his lap, demanding attention as he tried to recount stories of his training. On bad days, the confusion will overwhelm her, and she will hide in her bunker, away from her father and aunt, away from Finn's worry and Poe's comfort.

Rey hates it, knowing Ben Solo. She grieves for him anew, knowing that the monster left in his wake, the monster fixated on making her a monster too, will likely never know the comfort of redemption.

It makes her hate Kylo Ren all the more.

Gone are her hopes of showing him the Light.

Despite Luke's warnings, it's there. The anger, the hatred. It's there, deep within her. She hates Kylo Ren for invading her mind, for being the boy who meant so much to her, for killing his own father and her uncle, for causing her father to abandon her on Jakku.

She hates him because he is everywhere. In her walk, her voice. His power flows through her, drawing her into the darkness. She hates it, because it makes it so hard for her to be the Jedi she wants to be, to be the daughter she should be.

He is falling deeper into the abyss, and she is terrified that he will drag her down with him.

 

Snoke tells Kylo that she is all that stands in his way. His cousin is the one thing keeping him from unlocking his true potential, and she must die by his hand.

He does the cowardly thing. He sends the Knights of Ren after her.

He tells Hux it is a test for his men, to see if they are indeed worthy of serving under him. But even the ignorant shit can see through his lie.

He fears he cannot kill Rey himself.

The Knights are no match for her. A Jedi.

"UNGRATEFUL! WEAK!" Snoke roars when Hux tells him, sending Kylo crashing into a stone column in rage. "SENTIMENTAL FOOL!"

The lightning strikes next, and Kylo's body convulses uselessly against the cold stone as he accepts his master's punishment.

"FIND HER," Snoke roars, "AND KILL HER. HER LIFE OR YOURS, MAKE YOUR CHOICE."

 

She and Finn are sent on a mission back to Jakku. It's the first time she's been back since leaving. Poe is a voice in both of their ears as she brings the Falcon in for a landing.

"I bet I can guess your view. Sand . . . sand . . . and, hm, let's see . . . sand?"

Chewie stays back on the ship with Artoo and BB-8, who Poe insisted they bring along,

"He likes you better anyways," he had told her, "Can't say I blame him."

Somewhere on the planet lies a small computer chip, fallen from the wreckage of the Battle of Jakku, carrying the locations of countless planets for a new Resistance base. Small systems the First Order would never find. Small systems with Imperial bases already built, wasting away when they could be put to use against their successors.

More importantly, perhaps, Kylo Ren is there. She can sense him, lying in wait.

"See you soon," she thinks through their bond. She feels his anticipation, from so close, so eager to face her.

"Can't wait."

 

He finds her on Jakku. She has the traitor in tow, and with one burst of the Force, he's frozen in place, struggling to break free.

"Stay away from him," Rey growls, venom in her voice. Kylo smirks.

"Oh, don't worry my sweet cousin. Your little pet is of no concern to me." Rey's fury flares, and he revels in it, letting it course through his veins. But there is something else, a third presence.

With a laugh, Ren shifts his focus to the traitor. He sees Rey's eyes widen in horror.

"Oh, now this is fun," he says, "Your friend is Force sensitive, isn't he?" Everything becomes clear: his luck with the lightsaber, how he was able to break free of his mental conditioning. Rey's eyes are like ice.

"Enough talk," she says, voice low with anger.

It's almost funny, Kylo thinks as he ignites his lightsaber. It's been almost two years since their last encounter, but he feels as if she has been with him every day. There, in the back of his mind. A flicker of light amongst the chaos of his darkness. So wholly good, so much of what his parents wanted him to be.

So weak. So held back from all she could be.

_You're afraid. That you'll never be as strong as Darth Vader._

She attacks first, so sure of herself and the training she received at the hands of her father. But this time, he doesn't underestimate her. This time, he doesn't have images of Han Solo swimming in his eyes. This time, he is ready, and the Force is his to command.

She is better too. Her moves are less raw. He recognizes her utilizing Ataru, aggressive strikes and speed, but he expects it from her. She is like him, impatient and reckless. The only difference is he has accepted his weakness and turned it into strength.

She is fighting her anger, he can feel her fighting herself as passionately as she is fighting him, and she is losing both battles. Her anger fuels him, drives him to strike harder, think faster, dig deeper.

Her perfect form begins to slip, and she lets out a cry of rage. He laughs openly, kicking her in the gut when she leaves herself exposed, knocking her to the ground. He pulls his grandfather's lightsaber to him and stands before her, ready to strike.

"You won't kill me," she spits in anger, "You can't do it."

"I killed my own father!" he roars. "What makes you think I won't kill you too?"

"Because we are the same," she answers simply. Kylo raises both sabers, intending to prove her wrong and save his own life in one swift stroke, but hesitates, for just a short moment. "Benji," she whispers, looking him directly in the eye.

He freezes.

Her face has changed. She is his little cousin once again, calling him her favorite, chasing him around during training. She is the small, precious bundle Master Luke brought to him when he was a boy and let him hold in his arms. She is the shaking, sobbing child huddled underneath the rubble, unable to understand why her beloved Benji is so angry. Why he is killing.

He let go of his past completely when he killed Han Solo. But Rey is not just his past. She is present, consuming his every moment. She is him, and he could be her.

But then she is grown again, and instead of beseeching, her face looks victorious. Snapped out of his vision, Kylo readies to strike, but he suddenly feels intense heat at his back, and the ground crumbles beneath him.

"Poe," Rey whispers with relief. His hold on the traitor breaks, and he comes running, shouting Rey's name. Vader's lightsaber flies out of his hands and back into hers, and she runs. He cannot follow.

The ground near him explodes again, and he looks up to see a squadron of X-wings soaring by.

The Resistance has arrived.

 

Back at the base, Rey does not speak to anyone. Finn understands, kissing her forehead and telling her he will be there when she is ready to talk. Poe doesn't give in quite so easily, bringher her meals and prodding her for information, but one day, she lashes out, Force-pushing him out the door.

He stops.

Kylo beat her. Absolutely and completely. And he was going to kill her. She distracted him, yes, but she knows that the next time, she will not be so lucky.

She will have to kill him. Before he gets any deeper into her mind than he already is.

"I was faced with an impossible choice," comes a voice from the doorway. Luke. She doesn't turn, but doesn't tell him to leave. "Be-Obi-Wan and Yoda both told me I had to kill my father to save the galaxy. And Vader-"

"-wanted to turn you to the Dark Side?" Rey guesses. Luke nods.

"I wanted neither. So I made my own solution." Rey's fists clench. "Kylo Ren is a monster. He killed my best friend. His father. Your uncle. And countless other innocents."

"He has to die," Rey insists.

"Yes. But you and I both know that Ben Solo is still alive. Deep, deep inside. He feels it. It scares him. And I know you feel it too. It calls to you. It's why even now, you are bonded through the Force to him."

"I want him out of my head."

"But he is in your heart. Just as you are in mine." Rey turns, and her father takes her hands in his. "The Jedi always taught that love, attachment, was to be feared. That it led to the Dark Side. They were wrong. Love is strength. Family is strength. And the Skywalkers have enough of both to save the galaxy more than once."

"I wanted to turn him, in the beginning. But you didn't see him. Turning him is impossible," Rey whispers, "I know it. He is too far gone."

"There is no such thing," Luke reminds her, a slight twinkle in his eye. "He idolizes my father. Show him that his turn back to the Light was not weakness after all."

"I . . ." Rey murmurs, slumping forward into his arms. "I don't know if I'm strong enough."

"Do what you must," Luke says, gently pressing a comforting kiss to her temple. "Just remember: many people, myself included, will tell you what you should do. But the choice is always, always yours."

Rey made a choice before she saw Kylo Ren last. She cannot beat him with his greatest tool: death. She cannot win with the Dark Side.

So, with her father at her side, the hum of the Resistance base surrounding her, Rey makes a different choice.

Her own.

 

A galaxy away, Kylo Ren feels her in his mind, searching for the light she glimpsed in his hesitation. He wonders if some day, he will give up trying to hide it from her.


End file.
